So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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