btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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