dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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