Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My bed smells like the plague
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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