Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
