so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
