omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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