i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
