do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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