You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
