its not stalking. its research.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
