OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
