Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
