ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
