New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
