a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize