Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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