dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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