Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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