if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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