Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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