Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
