lets start a swedish sibling band together
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
