Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
