did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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