You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
