Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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