it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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