Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize