do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found your dick twin last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
