he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
