I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
