It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
