I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
