I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
