I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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