Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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