He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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