Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
