The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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