i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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