I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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