Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
