you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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