God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
