So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
