I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
