After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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