im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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