If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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