I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
