now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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