So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
