the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
