i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
