I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She even gives head with a lisp.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
