I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
