I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
whose parrot is this?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
