a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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