ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
