Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
