I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
