she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
