I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
