My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
