if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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