Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
