make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
