of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
