im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
