It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
