i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
