o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
