so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
