And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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